I can text with my tongue
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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