i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
