that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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