so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
