i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
