are you still at the devil's house?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
