I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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