So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
