I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
