I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
