decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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