remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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