My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Alive.
So much puke
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
