he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I am one with the molecules
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
