Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
