did you get engaged???
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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