It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
