so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
