No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
