i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
