she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My vagina is officially offended.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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