The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
