im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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