i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
