Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Bring me that man meat
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
