Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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