i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
