He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
