Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
