What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
And then he peed in my hair
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