So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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