I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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