Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
