you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
