What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
