do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You smell like stripper and shame
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
