once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
