Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
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