and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
