physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
