I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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