Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
