I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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