***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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