he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
