Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
