a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
