i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
