I wish I could punch you in the face.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
