ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
