Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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